For today’s epic AMAZING OFFICE BATTLE, we’ve looked to an age old feud to give fuel to this inextinguishable fire. Today we settle that great debate, as we bring you:
STAR TREK vs. STAR WARS!
You’ve waited your entire life for this moment and… oh… my… god… it is finally here. You’ve seen all the movies and TV shows. You’ve been to the conventions and you either have a costume, a prop or a uniform stashed away from the prying eyes of anyone you might be having sex with. (because you know that once they see it, you probably won’t be rimming their glory hole any more.)
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you…
SMALLER THAN USUAL YODA
versus
LIEUTENANT COMMANDER DATA!
Today we’ll find out who is faster, smarter and stronger as we let these two heroes of the silver stars duke it out… AOB STYLE!
Also, it’s important for you to know that we have The Hulk securely locked away in Desk Drawer Confinement Unit #2.
His cock-happy ways won’t be interrupting today’s match… that’s for sure!
LET'S GET IT ON!
As our fighters size each other up, Data scans Yoda while he files around his foe on his hover chair. GO YODA! GO YODA! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!
After landing, Yoda uses the force to hurl my water bottle right at Data! HOLY CRIMMINY SLAPBALLS! Data sees it coming! What's he gonna do? WHAT'S HE GONNA DO!
OOOO! Data uses his android speed to dodge the waterbottle. In the meantime, Yoda tries to take off again in the hoverchair, but Data attenuates his axial servo and causes Yoda's chair to crash. The green man from Degobah goes down!
Now fully pissed, Yoda gnaws on Data's leg. A classic AOB move!
YODA GETS THE BOOT!
As quick as he defeated Darth Tyranus, Yoda jumps right back up and grabs onto Data's face and tries to poke his annoying green eyes right out of these sockets! EEEEYOWCHIES!
DAMN! DOWN AGAIN! HAS YODA FINALLY MET HIS MATCH!!?!
We'll be right back after this commercial break.
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and now back to our regularly scheduled programming...
Welcome back! Let's see where the exciting AOB action stands at this very moment!
Sick and tired of being beaten down by this android cheeseball, Yoda has whipped out the lightsaber and is taunting Data by easily slicing a hole through a small steel wall. I'D BE SCARED! IN FACT, I'D BE POOOPING ME DRAWERS!
Speaking of drawers, let's check in on the Hulk to see what he's up to.
Oh good lord. He and CRACKERJET are fucking up a storm in there. TYPICAL!
Using an advanced Jedi Mind trick (yes, they even work on androids), Yoda makes Data think he's being raped by The Hulk! OOO! CLEVER ONE HE IS!
Yoda tries to jam his lightsaber in Data's exhaust port. Nice.
Data snaps out of the mind trick and tosses his tricorder at Yoda's head, easily knocking him down.... again. Sheesh!
Slicker than shit, Yoda hops back up, grabs his saber, and goes right at Data's neck junction FOR THE KILL!
I think this picture says it all.
Meanwhile, J. Jonah Jameson, from the Daily Bugle, gets wind of this battle. Being a HUGE Star Trek fan, he's bullshit! BULLSHIT I TELL YOU!
Jonah tries to threaten Yoda, but that cocky green bastard just shows him who's boss! THE LIGHTSABER IS, BABY!
Still yelling at Yoda, Jonah falls back in his chair. Don't these fuckers known when to stay down?
Yoda does a victory dance while ignoring the tantrum going on behind him.
OMG! Surprise guest Jesus comes in to warn Yoda about triple J's evil plot! He was late ‘cause he had to finish mowing the lawn for his clients.
MY MAN! THANKS, JESUS!
Your champion: YODA!
Even the self-contained Hulkster is happy!
THE END?